A special encounter with horses during coaching at Chevalja

About 11 years ago, Bernadette founded Chevalja. 'Just sitting inside' at her previous jobs did not give her satisfaction, but working with horses, on the other hand, did. 'Cheval' means horse in French and the 'yes' stuck behind it symbolises a wholehearted 'yes!' Because with horses, there is no room for doubt, I learn today.

Whereas Bernadette used to be a fanatical competition rider, achievements are no longer the goal. At Chevalja, she focuses on coaching, family constellations and 'unwinding', all together with her horses. It's much more about balance. About Attitude. Energy. Radiance. It affects the horse, but also yourself.

After Bernadette tells us about her life in Winterswijk, together with husband Theo, their children and faithful four-legged friends, she invites us to meet the horses. Adrienne and I step into the meadow and walk towards Baston and Grace. The two stolidly graze on, not giving us a glance. Somewhat uncomfortably, I stroke the neck of this big beast. I see that Adrienne has walked on to the other pasture and is squatting in front of Bizjoe. Probing whether she can pet the horse, which is lying quietly on the ground.

After the introductory round, we rejoin Bernadette, who asks us how it was. "I did feel a bit ignored," Adrienne replies and I nod in agreement. We laugh. Why should a horse welcome us? "Not everyone has to find you interesting when you step into a room," Bernadette says soberly. Something we know, of course, but still, certain expectations surrounding a meeting we don't shake off so easily.

When I have an expectation, I am in my head. And for a horse, your head just isn't interesting. We watch Baston sink through his legs and then lie down in the sun. "It is very special that the horses lie down just now. Just ten minutes a day they give themselves over completely to recharge. A kind of ultimate power nap." Bernadette tells as we watch Baston. He is still struggling to keep his head upright.

"Get down to it," Bernadette says seriously. "Pick a nice spot and get into that body. Relax and feel how that changes your handling of the horses". I went to this day with no expectations, purely because I really had no idea what to imagine with 'horse coaching'. In any case, lying down in a meadow among the horses had not occurred to me.

I get up to cuddle with Baston. His fur is warm and full of sand. My hands are black in no time. Bernadette asks me if I can take him a few steps back. I stroke his nose and think about how to get this horse to move backwards. In thought, I ask sweetly and in response Baston brings his nose to the ground again and shifts his interest to the tender grass.

I look up and see Bernadette and Adrienne following the scene. They let me muddle on for a while. I push gently against Baston, but how much would a horse weigh? A couple of hundred kilos, of course, remains rigid. "Want a tip?" I nod. "Get out of your head again. I can see you thinking." I sigh. It's right. I close my eyes for a moment and change my posture: shoulders straightened, knees locked, a relaxed look. Baston's head comes to eye level. He looks at me, as if to say 'hey, see, being in your body isn't that hard, is it?'

Still, I have no idea how to get it out of its place. Bernadette decides to give a demonstration. Confidently, she walks into the meadow. Baston's attention immediately shifts to her. Without touching him, he steps back as she approaches him. When she then walks away, Baston follows her. Without words. Without pushing. Purely on energy and willpower, she gets this done.

The difference between Bernadette and me? Apart from the fact that they are her horses, that doesn't matter because Adrienne also gets them off their backsides without difficulty. Bernadette's attitude and charisma are completely different from mine. She takes leadership.

When we subsequently reflect on this, I admit to finding it difficult. I don't want to knock Baston off his spot. To disturb him from his grass meal. "But Baston can graze all day, it's not as if he's really hungry now," Bernadette says. "And the field is big enough. He can also go about his business further out."

We both had the same goal, but how we looked at it and our attitude towards it was completely different. I don't want to be a burden to Baston, where Bernadette chooses for herself and wants to be in that place where Baston happens to be now. Where I fear irritating or hurting Baston with my behaviour, Bernadette shows that by taking her own place, the horse is not hurt. She doesn't even touch him. She just shows leadership in which she gives herself space in the moment. She stays with herself, while my attention is with Baston. I put the horse at the centre and not myself.

Are you curious to know what such an encounter with horses, Bernadette and yourself is like? You can follow various coaching sessions at Chevalja. From individual coaching with or without horses (but hey, with horses is what makes it so unique) to family constellations and team building.

You can also drop by for one or more days for a 'slow travel package'. Nothing has to be done, but there are options to help you relax completely. Graze and Baston are also on hand.

Apart from this special experience, there are other unique retreats and reflection workshops in the Netherlands. A different kind of travel; one that turns inwards to enjoy the inside and the outside. On our retreat page you will find an overview of retreats in the Netherlands.

Have you ever had a coaching session with horses? I am curious about your experience! Let us know via @heyhoneyguide on Instagram.

Love,
Yalou